I do not hand out certificates and diplomas to the ones walking with me. I gift each and every mentor  – yes, mentor, for that is who we are to each other –  walking with me drawings.

​There are five different kinds of them. I do not hand out certificates, because becoming a healer is not done over a weekend or in a three month course. Learning never ends, getting accustomed to walking your own shadows is a practice, skills are there to be honed and honoured.

I was given a gift by a shaman I hold dear in my heart once years ago. He did not explain anything to me. To this day I wonder why and what he had seen within me. ​

The rose taking root in a shattered heart, blossoming and blooming and shining her light again. 
 
You matter.
 
Dare to put the pieces together again.
 
Dare to heal step by step.
 
Dare to take your time.
 
You are worth it. You are a gift to this world.
 
Dare to speak.
 
Dare to shine your light.
 
Again. And again. And again.

​Kristin Raphaela Otti 

Jaguar is not afraid of threatening shadows or the bottomless abyss, she prowls the darkness without fear and invites us to walk with her, guiding us to the seed of light hidden in the heart of the darkest night, allowing it to take root in our hearts, growing into a beautiful healing herb whose seeds will carry its healing wisdom into the world and become a gift to all of creation.  

We were taught a lot by playing games and observing others play the same games we were being introduced to as kids. My maternal grandparents owned – among other businesses – a café, the “Espresso”. My brother and I basically grew up on coffee, our weening of milk being reflected in the cappuccino that was topped with boatloads of milk foam slowly being replaced with steaming hot black coffee. 
 
I was also known for sneaking up to the giant coffee machine and asking for some of the coffee beans. They were crunchy and tasted good. No. Coffee and I do not have a relationship based on addiction. It is an affinity. Yes. Two words that start with an “a”. 
 

We would sit in the “Espresso” drawing, playing, watching cartoons, observing businessmen and businesswomen talking and at time be invited to play the family game, a card game. It was also a safe place. At a café nothing remains unseen, the only constant is change and aggression will be dealt with swiftly. The card game wasn’t the only game we played, observed or learned. I got fascinated by the concept of chess quite early, for it is an interesting game indeed.
 
It depicts a world that is black and white, in which every chess piece is assigned a specific role, has a move set that is cast in stone and as they are serving their king and queen whist jockeying for advantageous positions, it is very much a setting you will find in different courts throughout your life.

As in life, there is the odd one out. When I was a child, I did not think much of the pawn, a piece that would only move in one direction, seemingly straight forward at all times, albeit on occasion surprise you by taking a step to the side and change lanes. My perception of the pawn changed completely later.

In conversation with a business woman I was working with chess came up and she asked me which piece I liked the most on the board. To her surprise I answered, “The pawn.” “Why?” “The pawn is the only one at court with the potential to change and become whoever they want to be.” How can one not love the pawn? The one who has no clue about the Machiavellian nature of the court surrounding them, being taken out easily, used as bait or being flat out sacrificed. ​ 

The aspect I love most about the pawn is that the pawn is the only one with the capacity to change and adapt to the game which never is the same. There are sixteen pawns on the board, eight on each side and to me, each step taken on the chess board symbolizes a learning experience. If not taken out and reaching the end of the board, the pawn can become whoever it wants to be – save the king – and choose how it continues to move through the remaining game of life. 
​

​The rules regarding that very much reflect the pawn’s growth mind set but also its trauma. It has just moved through the illustrious spiderwebs, smoke and mirrors at court, observed a king that is limited by his own move set and in constant danger, threatened by another king who wishes to rule over their kingdom.

Yes, there might be tower moments and the occasional castling but other than that the game remains a hierarchical quest for power with two courts fighting over the dominion of their world, a board with 64 squares never looking at what lies beyond. 
 
I always wondered if the pawn – given the choice or the rules of the world the game is being played in allowed it – would make the choice to take their experiences and learning with them, leave the chess board for good, sit somewhere completely at peace, write stories and books about the experience it has made on its path  and become a mentor for others instead of re-entering the board. 
 
Alas, not an option in chess. 
 
The moment the pawn has reached the edge, the end of the board, it has learned the art of shapeshifting and can become whoever they want to be. They are also looking at the board from a different direction. Funnily enough, it decides to go back into the game and serve its king to the best of its abilities having left the fledgling's feathers behind.
 
Why?

​Take your pick: utter stupidity, pure survival, extreme cunning or loyalty, something that is quite novel at courts where Neostoicism is the best practice.

We share our house with a pack of cats and since each and every single one of them is an accomplished hunter. We are provided for with a fair share of birds, mice and other critters. 
 
Today our eldest hunter caught a small bird, a great tit. It escaped her and started to fly around in our living room. After the bird had sat down behind vase on top of one of the bookshelves, I climbed on a ladder, calmed the bird down, took it in my hands and brought it outside. It took flight and then sat down in a nearby bush to rest. 

It had not been the first bird that I had taken care of that way, so I knew what to do. Getting caught by a predator, no matter what ilk, is traumatizing, so observe their prey, the victim, closely. The bird was no longer in complete shock, but its head was moving quickly in all directions, its heart was racing and it had a small breast wound. Some feathers were missing and one of its feet hurt. It was alert and had been able to fly, so its wings were ok.

When trying to touch a wounded animal, never touch them with your hand coming from above them. They will mistake it for a bird of prey or an attack. So gently offer your hand and move slowly. I touched its breast with one finger and waited. Patience is important. 
 
When its heart had stopped racing, I put my left hand loosely behind it and let it get used to the situation. I did not touch it. When it had calmed down completely and was looking into my eyes without fear, I moved my right hand, embraced it and carried it out of the house and said thank you. 

Back in the house I collected some of the feathers and asked felt them. I placed them on my altar in my ceremony room, next to feathers I had gotten as a gift from a shaman whom I had gifted tobacco seeds to. 
 
Ilaannigooq angakkup tunissut tunivaanga. Kiinneraarpoq. Annersinngilaanga. Oqaluttuat oqaluttuarivai. Tusarpakka. Arriitsumik ilaannikkut sukkasuumik ilaannikkut ilinniarpunga. Paasiartulinnguatsiarpara. Qujanarsuaq.
 
Every life is precious and a gift. 

If you wish to learn and be trained, life will find its way in the most surprising ways and fashion. This is a blog about the shaman’s path and walking it, how in the world could badminton play a role in it?
 
I began playing badminton when I was already in my late teens. Ulrike Gönitzer, one of our sports teachers at school, had invited a friend of mine, Karin, and me to one of the training sessions of our hometown team, ATSV Wolfsberg, after watching the both of us play during a PE lesson. We had fun playing and whilst I decided to continue with it, Karin called it quits after a few times.

​Ulrike was one of our coaches, the other one was Peter Moritz, a seasoned veteran player and Austrian champion who had decided to join the club and train with us. One of the first things Ulrike told me was that if I wanted to become a good player I needed to go running and work on my conditioning. Suffice to say, I did not and relied solely on my talent and the reflexes I had trained up by playing video games and table tennis. 
 
Ulrike had won the Austrian Championships in her time as an active player and let me put it like this: If a veteran is taking their time and gives you an advice, you better listen, listen and when you are done listening, you listen some more. Time is the most precious gift someone can give you. It is finite.  
 
The reckoning came after doing well in tournaments, coming in second place in the Carinthian youth championships and suiting up for ATSV once after the injury bug had hit the team. A tournament was to be played in Wolfsberg, I was dead set on dominating and winning it and friends and family would witness it.

​Boy, did I get my behind handed to me. After doing well in the first few matches, I met my mentor and teacher for the day, another player from Carinthia. I had told her – quite  enthusiastically - about my service being my best asset and all about what I had perceived as strengths in my game. She listened patiently, smiling and nodding. ​

​She put on a clinic.

I did not score a single point that match. I am not entirely sure, but I think I was actually able to return some of the shuttle cocks, albeit my attempts to play were either answered with a lightning fast smash or a casual drop. I lost that match in spectacular fashion, rightfully so and I am grateful for the lesson. 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

​And yes, if there is a chance to put a cherry on top of something, it will be put on top. Did you know that when tournaments take place there is an audience? And that one who is very – let us call it - confident in their skills and talents usually invites people to watch the fray? So no, not only was there an audience, no, my mother was watching the lesson unfold in its entirety as well. 
 
My opponent did not gloat, she did not say one unfriendly word, instead we shook hands after the match, she gave me advice and I realized that talent alone will get you some place, but if you combined it with training and working on yourself – yes, yourself – you slowly but surely acquire the skills, tenacity and resilience to go wherever you want to go and not where someone else decides to take you. 
 
Listen, listen, listen and then listen some more. Practise, practise, practise and when you are done with your training – practise some more. After that? Play, play, play and enjoy the game. Never gloat, never belittle but be the gentle teacher and mentor you always have wished for yourself - yourself! - and no matter what you do, do not poke the bear. Not with a stick or a badminton racket like in this instance. No matter, how fluffy a bear seems to be, if it decides to stand up and come out of hibernation, you are in for an experience. What kind? That solely depends on the bear in question. 
 
When I started playing floorball everything changed. I also met Ulrike once more. I had asked her if I were allowed to do floorball goalie drills in one part of the gym while the badminton team was having their trainings whenever I visited my home valley. She said yes immediately. 
 
Practise, practise, practise. Being good at something does not come out of thin air. 

Since I was born in Capricorn season, let me tell you bit about Capricorn, starting off with a personal story:  
 
Going headfirst through walls is a very common practice among us, we are perfectly equipped for that, sporting horns and having a thick skull. Using open doors is no challenge and thus not very appealing. I have a scar on my forehead attesting to that. According to my parents – I was still very small – I tried to break a way through the wall instead of using our front door, running straight into it. ​

A few years back a friend of mine suggested that I could use open doors for a change and - if I felt that that would be too easy - I could always learn how to levitate and hover through them. I have a suspicion - albeit a very slight one - that he might be right and open doors are indeed the challenge for us Capricorns, but I have to contemplate that for a while longer. 

​Yes, we like to take our time, when contemplating or building something. We are Earth signs after all. Extremely patient. With others that is, not so much with ourselves and what we start today better be finished the day before yesterday. ​

​If that patience ever reaches an end, however, we don’t start a fiery blaze. We are born and bred in winter. We grow cold. 

​The opposite holds true as well: Once you have found a place in a Capricorn’s heart, you have found a friend who will stand by your side no matter what. Up for a walk through hell? Let’s go for a stroll, we are game.

​And yes. We do have a sense of humor. 
 
Capricorn says, “Your limitations in being and creating are, where you yourself place them. Your spirit, your heart and your soul do not know any limits. There is no mountain you cannot climb; no mountain top you cannot reach. Let go of the chains of your mind and dare dream your dream into being.”

Polar Bear the Great Wanderer is a gentle mentor and fierce protector who travels through all the realms with unfailing stamina. She teaches us not to be afraid to travel in solitude and silence for a while, to take a rest and to find balance within ourselves.

She is fearless and invites us to leave what we know and are used to behind, to step out of our comfort zone and face our challenges head on. Nanoq says, “Meet the gaze of the unknown, look into its eyes and walk tall and powerful into new beginnings.”
 
Nanoq says, „In the center of your heart, there is an ember, tiny, yet as strong as the winter sun. With every step you take through the desert of ice and frost, it is growing stronger, every breath nourishing the spark that has been lit inside you, a fire growing, a dream rekindled, a heart unstoppable.”

​Polar Bear is very protective of her cubs. She says, “Trust yourself and leave fear behind when standing up for your loved ones and yourself. Everything you need you bear within: a fire in your heart to warm you, a spirit unbreakable and the courage to face the harshest of winters.”