Lessons and learning often come, when you least expect them. Naturally, for more often than not, they are connected to a part of yourself you have kept hidden very well, be it because you were afraid of shining your light or of looking into your own eyes reflecting a part of your soul you had seen in others and told yourself you would not find inside your own being.

​When I was still in the beginning stages of remembering aspects of mine, having them return and show themselves, I was on my way to my off-season strength training one summer day. I love walking and since our house is outside town it is about a thirty-minute walk to the fitness studio. Walking in silence is very healing and relaxing and I enjoy it. 

​While I was walking, I was called. While I kept on walking, my surroundings changed and I found myself in Peru. I walked right into the middle of a circle of shamans, that were leading a healing ceremony for a man, that was lying on a colorful woven carpet on the ground. They were wearing their ceremonial garments, while I was walking in in shorts, a sweaty T-shirt, worn sneakers and my training bag slung over my shoulder. I didn’t stop walking, but simply said “Hello”, turned myself into a white jaguar and went straight into the man on the ground. I guided him through his healing in the underworld, then we returned into the material realm. He went back into his body and I walked out of him, turned myself back into my human form, said “Have a nice day!” and left the gaping shamans behind.

I never stopped walking and seemingly seamlessly I was back on my way to the fitness studio. A normal day at the office, except for the fact that I had never shapeshifted into a white jaguar before, I had never been called that way before and I had never guided anyone through a healing like that, meaning that I had solely been a guide, scout and guardian and not the one doing the talking. That it had felt perfectly normal and as if I had done that a million times before, didn’t even faze me anymore.   

A few days later I was called by the guardian spirits that were protecting the farm of a friend of my mother’s. She had told my mother and me, that there were dark spirits haunting the farm she and her sons had bought and they had had accidents happen that they could not explain. ​

Her guardians told me, that they wanted me to scout for them and lead them to the parts of the premises, where I scented darkness. I was not to interfere. I had been summoned to scout, remember and learn. I turned myself into my white jaguar aspect and began to scout. Whenever I scented darkness, I called them. They went in and took care of business. 
 
It was a very interesting experience. I realized, that I was not afraid of any kind of darkness or dark being. I was a hunter on the prowl. And there was another thing: The night and the shadows were my friends. I was perfectly hidden, completely invisible. I wanted to go into the darkness, understand it and find the light hidden within. Not interfering and not walking in was the challenge. When we were done, I sat down on a bench in her garden. I had decided to keep watch over the premises for a while in case we had not found all the dark spirits.   
 

The peacock is a great companion and teacher. It is not afraid of being itself and showing its true colors. It is standing tall and proud, its feathers glistening in the sunlight, showing its talents and gifts openly for everyone to see. Its inner light is emanating from its heart, nothing is hidden away. The Peacock teaches us to show our true colors, to shine and be ourselves, for standing in our power and shining our light has nothing to do with being arrogant but everything to do with daring to be the unique gift we are. 

It sees true beauty in every being and everything. Like a swan it has grown into its precious colorful feathers after a long time of learning and experienced and seen the beauty and uniqueness of the beings around it before the sunlight has touched its own beautiful feathers for the first time.

​It has gotten to know its inner strength and power by taking one step after the other on its path and thus it knows, that whatever is needed to achieve its dream, is already inside its heart and growing and will see the light of day at the right moment in time. 

The peacock does not hide, it shows its true colors. It has never learned to sing, a songbird it is not. ​

It has no heart for shallow and fake compliments and flattery does not stop it from speaking its truth. It knows, when it is time to speak up. It does not mask its words; it speaks with a loud and clear voice. 
 
It sees through a thousand eyes, what was, what is and all the paths that lead into tomorrow. The Peacock knows its past lives and can see through any falsehood and deception. It sees true and is able to mend the eyes of those, that have seen, what they should not have had to see, so they can see the beauty of the world around them once more. 
 
The peacock was asked to guard this realm and protect the peace. Nothing goes by its eyes; it finds the viper among a thousand snakes and calls it out. There is no place in his heart for lies and deceit, it is incorruptible and will keep those under its protection from harm. 

Then one day, he heard someone crying in the woods. It was Ajidamoo the Squirrel. Ajidamoo was sitting on an oak tree. He looked very weak and sad.  “Aaniin, Ajidamoo! What’s the matter? What is troubling your heart?” Ajidamoo looked at Aandeg and said, “Aaniin, Aandeg! I don’t know what to do, my heart feels completely empty and drained!” Aandeg cawed, “You know what, Makwa will know what to do! He is the greatest of healers. We will ask him. And then we will visit Mikinaak the Turtle. He knows all about taking it slow and being patient!” Makwa and Ajidamoo had a great healing ceremony and Mikinaak told the squirrel all about patience and moving slowly. Soon the squirrel felt healed and balanced again and could return to his purpose with fresh spirit. Aandeg said, “That felt great! Let’s see, where to go now… There is so much to learn. Oh, what now? Who is crying now?” 
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​Since the Crow was always curious about such things, he went to investigate and found Waabooz the Rabbit crying in front of her burrow. “Boozhoo, old friend, what is troubling your heart?” “Oh, I just cannot take it anymore! I just want to be done with it and die!” “But why?” Waabooz the Rabbit started complaining about Waagosh the Fox and told Aandeg that there was simply no peace with Waagosh around. The crow listened carefully to everything his rabbit friend had to say and then advised him to make good use of his long legs and long ears, “Waabooz, you can listen very well and you can easily tell, when Waagosh is nearby! And look at those long and strong legs of yours! You can outrun him anytime!” Waabooz was taken by surprise and answered, “You are right! I can and you know what? I feel pretty good about it, too! Thanks, Aandeg!”
 
From that day, Aandeg kept travelling throughout the lands and made friends with all of creation, finding his purpose in helping others to either find their purpose or return to it with fresh spirit. ​

Starlings are great mentors and companions, harbingers of spring, that fly together in murmurations of thousands of birds, protecting each other. They sing of unity and purpose and the power of collective strength. The power of the collective is transformative and many voices united create a beautiful choir, when there is balance in cooperation.

​The starling says, “Be careful about who you let into your inner circle!” A murmuration of starlings is a gathering of smaller circles working together. In those circles, there is absolute trust and seven birds fly together in perfect unison.

​The starling is a shapeshifter and mimic, constantly learning from the beings and nature around her, absorbing new sounds and energies. She says, “Be careful that you don’t lose yourself when trying to make yourself into someone’s image! Fly side by side, heart to heart, but never follow blindly. Observe, how the words and actions of those around you influence you and your behavior.”

Starlings are both, the void between the stars and the stars sown into the fertile grounds of the in-between. When you look at them from afar, their feathers look grey and colorless, but as soon as the sun shines upon them, their feathers are shimmering and glittering purple and emerald green, showing their heart. Starling says, “Who are you, when you are walking in your shadows? Who are you, when the sun is shining on you? Let your true colors shine and embrace, honor and celebrate who you are!”
 
Every heart knows a sacred song, bears a medicine within. Starling says, “Be still and listen! There is a song in your heart, sung with the voice of love and truth. Embrace your true voice and let it be heard loud and clear.” Starlings communicate and vocalize their needs without shame and are not afraid of speaking their truth. They know that relationships require clarity in communication.

Do you know what it feels like, when you are going to a party and everyone around you knows your name, who you are, your past, your time together and starts telling you about it, cracking inside jokes, patting you on your back and then taking their leave with a serene smile? Everyone knows, who you are, what your purpose is and what you are capable of. With one exception. You. That is how I feel at times. 

​“I am the White Crow.” That is what I told a being I encountered on one of my very first journeys beyond the veils a long, long time ago. The words came out of my mouth and I knew them to be true, as did the being in front of me. She seemed pleased and happy, we had a nice chat and then parted ways. Before that I had already shapeshifted into a crow without thinking, when a murder of crows had called me to journey with them through the veils and it had felt completely and utterly normal. 
 
When I met a healer and shaman, my mother knew and whom I had wanted to talk to to understand, what was going on with me, he asked me, what my name was. I replied “I am the White Crow.” without giving it a second thought. He stared at me. I looked back at him and after a while I said, “Oh, my name is Kristin.” He kept staring and eventually he said, “Uh-huh.” Still staring.

Then one day, out of nowhere, a Native American medicine man and shaman appeared right in front of me in my energy field. Since I had never had that happen before until that point of time, I was completely taken by surprise. He seemed familiar. He came towards me, smiling broadly. “You have decided to come back here once more! Fantastic!” I looked at him and the only thing that came out of my mouth was, “Yes?” I had no clue what he was talking about. “That’s fantastic! You are back!” I kept staring at him. “When are you coming over?” “Coming over?” “To visit us!” “I don’t have the resources right now.” He waved his hand dismissively as if that was the most insignificant of problems. “Resources don’t matter at all. Tell me, what is your name?” “I am the White Crow.” “Yes, of course! That is who you are and that is who you have always been. Who else would you be? No, what is your name?” I kept staring at him. “Your name. This lifetime. What is your name this lifetime?” “Kristin.” He was all smiles. He clapped his hands in complete happiness and then he left.

​I remained standing there completely confused about two things: He obviously knew, who I was, while I didn’t have a clue and he had been genuinely happy to see me. Since the connection had not been broken, I saw him in the distance, talking to another shaman. “He is back!” The other shaman shook his head and said: “Impossible!” “Yes! He is back. A woman this time!” Then the other man looked up and saw me. 

​His eyes grew big and he flashed me a smile. Then a past life memory hit me: We had known each other as boys. We were of the Haida people. One day we had decided that we wanted to eat some honey. Unfortunately, we did not simply ask the bees for the honey, which they would have given us without hesitation, no, we came up with the brilliant idea to use sticks to bang on the beehives. My grandfather, who was a shaman and medicine man, had used the occasion to give me a thorough lesson in how to treat bee stings afterwards. ​

For whatever reason it had never crossed my mind to research the meaning of the name “White Crow” thoroughly or to read up on mythology. For me it was just another part of not knowing, what I was, having no mentor or teacher to explain anything to me. The feeling of “Tag! You are it!” without actually knowing which game I was getting involved in had filled my thoughts. 
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Then I received a great gift. I met Angaangaq and Gayle Crosmaz during a weekend ceremony in Salzburg. When Gayle and I were talking, I told her that I was the White Crow and she told me that her name was "White Raven". Then she told me that she had been given the name "Allaq" by Angaangaq and that it meant Black Bear.

During the ceremony Angaangaq answered a question about spiritual names and their meaning. That got me very interested and since it had been mentioned that Gayle was of the Ojibwe, I started researching Black Bear and Raven in Ojibwe mythology and found the story about Crow.

I read the story and understood something profound about myself. I have always been looking for my place in life, learning whatever possible, just to get bored with it, when I was finished, and then I would crave new learning. The moment I understood a subject, I wanted to learn something new. The funny thing was, that – even when I myself was unable to find my place or purpose – I could help others by sharing my experiences and what I had learned on my way. I have worked as a teacher for about sixteen years, teaching kids, teenagers and adults and what I loved most about it, was watching my students blossom and bloom, gaining confidence in themselves and their personal power. 
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In the Ojibwe story Crow is searching for his purpose. Because he was not patient enough to wait for the return of the Great One, who had been called away, the Great One could not tell him what his purpose was. As a result, Crow thinks that he has none. He is learning from all of creation, never finding satisfaction in life or his purpose, flying around restlessly until he starts giving advice to the beings he encounters. All he has learned on his journeys, turns into wisdom and his words guide others to their purpose or help them renew it. Unknowingly he has found his. While reading the story I understood a part of myself and my essence. I always thought I had no purpose and I was asking myself why I could not find my place in life. I am happiest, when I can assist and guide others, help them rekindle their inner fire and take their personal power back and I myself am allowed to learn new things.

​In Salzburg I spoke it out loud for the very first time, when I told Gayle, that this – being a healer and shaman - is the work I want to do and I love to do: I have found my path and I love it. Every aspect of it.

Circles bear a powerful meaning. They have no beginning and no end. Time is of no significance to them for they are everlasting, growing bigger and smaller as needed and every end is a new beginning at the same time. Everything you do and give out, returns to you in one way, shape or another, for every deed is the beginning of a circle and it will return to you at one point on your path, so you are able to understand and learn the lesson behind it. The joy you brought, the pain you caused. 

When you are gathering and sitting in a circle, you are able to see each other clearly, no lie can be spoken, no word uttered behind your back. No-one is able to belittle you or dim your light. You look into each other’s eyes and you know the soul. The song of your heart can be heard loud and clear, when it is your turn to speak. And when it is your turn to listen, you will hear the songs of the other hearts, recognizing their beauty and uniqueness, the gift they bring.

A lot of my learning takes place on the other side of things, beyond the material world, behind the veils. I am often called to go on journeys and travel through the spirit realms. Each encounter with other beings bears a gift of learning, some are trials during which you get to know a part of yourself that was hidden from you until that point on your path or you yourself buried deep inside in your shadows. 
 
Shortly after receiving the gift of meeting Angaangaq during a weekend ceremony about new beginnings amidst chaos in Salzburg, and listening to him telling us about the meaning and the power and strength of circles, I was called on another journey. I found myself in a Native American settlement. I had been there many times before. It is the place where the council of shamans gathers. It is what I call them. There are shamans who are pure light. Some of them I know, some of them are incarnated right now, others observe, dream and teach in the spirit realms.  

When I arrived, I was greeted by the eldest shaman, who smiled at me and put his left hand on my right shoulder. He said: “Look, there is an empty seat. The one it belongs to, is not here. Take it!” I took a look around at the other shamans that were sitting in a circle and got confused. I looked at the opening in the circle and said: “No, it is not my seat to take, it belongs to someone else.” Then I realized whose seat is it was. The shaman’s who I had met in the material realm many times and whom I had met in his light form in this settlement just as often. The Eldest said: “He hurt you and is no longer here. He has lost his way. Take his seat.” I refused again. “This is his seat, no matter what did happen or did not happen.” 

I took a step away from the Eldest and created a crystal of pure light. I placed it in front of the empty seat and said: “This is a crystal of light, a beacon. It will guide him home to his seat. It is not mine to take but his to return to.” Then I took a step back. The moment I had taken the step back, the shaman appeared in his light form, took his seat and smiled at me.  I nodded at him, then I turned around to face the Eldest. 
 
He placed both his hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eye and smiled. Then the circle of shamans grew bigger and suddenly there was an empty space. The Eldest said: “A circle is always as big as needed or as small as necessary, it can grow as need be. There is no need to take anyone’s seat by force or violence, take one away in anger or steal one in jealousy.” He pointed at the new seat. “This is yours. Take it.” 
 
And I did. 

The parrot is a colorful mentor and teacher, playful and curious about the world surrounding him, travelling freely through all the realms, yet never going anywhere uninvited. He is a natural born diplomat, often called to protect, guide and accompany others on their journeys within. 

Before he speaks, the parrot draws a breath deep into his heart and listens to its words of wisdom. He knows about the power behind all words spoken and unspoken, boon or bane. He says, “Be mindful of your words, spoken and unspoken, for they are the sparks that nourish the fire that creates your dream.” 
 
The parrot is a great listener, sharp-witted, who takes note of every little detail. He uses his heart to listen, not his mind, for he knows his heart to be able to hear the truth behind every word uttered. It is his heart that answers and speaks, his true voice from deep within, his very core, boldly showing his true colors, while he is spreading seeds of wisdom and inspiration. 

“Practice, practice, practice!”, the parrot repeats over and over again, “Follow yesterday’s steps with all the wisdom and skill of today!” He keeps repeating the words that were born in his heart, until they become a mantra and a chant nourishing his fire and the fires of those around him.

He uses his own colors to create his dream, never taking away anything from anyone else, for he knows, that all he needs, he already carries within his heart. He finds joy and magic in every moment, each place he visits a part of a world filled with endless wonders and magic. 

Anja, Julia and I had felt the call to hold a water ceremony on World Water Day, March 22nd 2024. We also wanted to support the idea and the Green Tent Circle event onsite at the UN CSW gathering in New York. 

​We met beforehand, planning not only a ceremony to honor the waters, but also a gathering of storytellers. While getting to know each other and building trust, a circle came into being and went into ceremony on Water Day, heart-to-heart. 

I opened space and lit my fire, opening my heart. “Calm your mind”, a gentle voice whispered. I became still, one with the ocean, the waters. Time and space ceased to exist. I was called back into the here and now after a while and saw, that Julia had taken her seat in the circle, calmly and gently. A message was to be given. Julia had been invited to journey deep into the sea. Anja had arrived, equally calmly and gently taken her seat in the circle and a message was to be given: “Great Grandmother Ocean wants to speak to you.” We became still again, sitting together in silence, one with the waters again. I found myself swimming alongside a gentle blue whale elder. ​
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Toucans are colorful mediators, travelling between the veils, escorting the souls of the newly departed into the light, never judging but simply guiding. They are usually a chatty bunch, but they know, that truth may not be found in the words spoken loudest by others, but will always come to light in the end, when Father Karma has the last word. 

When the Great One saw, that the toucans were trustworthy stewards, he gave them a gift. He took a rainbow and formed it into a long beak, that holds the warm energy of the sun within. They use their beak to regulate their body temperature, thus knowing when to speak words that rekindle the fire within and when to sing a soothing song. They are in perfect harmony with the fire within, never losing their temper. 
 
Toucans love eating fruit, but also know that everything you take in, takes time to digest. 

They use the time in between meals to spend time with other toucans, tag-chasing and calling.  When their food has been fully digested, they eat again. They teach us to give ourselves time, when we are learning and gaining new skills and to use the time in between to play and have fun instead of getting frustrated by the illusion of not making progress.
 
Toucans feel no need to impress anyone. They aren’t good flyers. They flap forcefully and then glide for a while, knowing that you don’t need to take every step on your way elegantly and in an expert way, but you simply need to take it. Be yourself and come out of hiding, take the first step. Celebrate your gifts and show your beautiful colors.

Whenever I am working in Vienna, I draw and paint at my favorite café on Stephansplatz, Café de L’Europe. I simply love it. Every single time I am there, I am met with a smile and kind words. 
 
A few months back, when I was back in Vienna, I was not greeted with just a “Good morning!”, no, it was “Have fun drawing!”. Being seen for what we do, nourishes the fires in our hearts and is a great gift.

​Café de L’Europe has also become the place, where I meet my friends, my circle and my clients, when there is a commission to talk about, so it may not come as a surprise that someone I hold dear to my heart asked me “Are you going to the office today?”, when I was on my way to enjoy a delicious cup of black coffee at the café. 

I was led to the café in 2017. Then in 2022, when I had decided to move to another city, I gave away my furniture and gifted my desk to a girl who was in need of one. Afterwards I realized that you actually need a desk, if you want to draw and write. My steps led me back to Café de L’Europe and I started drawing there, tentatively at first, now it has become doing what I love at a place I love and thus celebrating and enjoying the moment and a great gift, life has given me.