The worst nightmare of a bully is a person who embraces themselves, has realized that an ending and a beginning are the same and starts laughing with themselves instead of at themselves embracing who they are to the fullest.
​

I am a floorball goaltender. The first thing, I tell young goalies I mentor is, that no matter how good you are, the opposing team will score on you. You can do everything right and still, the ball will find its way into the net on occasion. It is not about you being perfect, it is about you embracing the game in all of its aspects and becoming in love with it.  
 

 
About twenty years ago, our team did interviews with “25 – Das Magazin”. The camera man made fun of us goalies telling us that the shots we were facing were nothing. He got the ingenious idea to shoot a scene while lying in goal having the players shoot at him, no protective gear necessary. Us goalies said nothing.
 
One of our players back then was a former NHL prospect. He let go of a slapshot and hit the camera man directly in the balls. The camera man sang a different tune after that, likening being hit by a floorball to being hit by a machine gun which is an exaggeration. He and his colleagues showed their sense of humor, too. That scene is in the final cut they aired, original sound and all. I still have it. 
 
Embrace imperfection.

​In doing so lies the ultimate victory. Rise and grow. In your own time. On your path. Laughing with yourself, embracing life and its cycles. 

Last September, Animal Wisdom Speaks, one of the circles I am building, was invited to be part of the United Nations Summit of the Future Action Days.

​During the event, I spoke about the power of storytelling, of making a choice between inducing and introjecting fear or becoming the hope and thus breaking the cycle of attack and provocation, retaliation, reactive abuse and blame shifting step by step and turning pain and old wounding into healing and wisdom, so our world becomes the garden in which the dreamers of tomorrow can set root, blossom and bloom.
 
The title was “Voices of Change – Empowering Communities through Inclusive Dialogue and Storytelling”. Here is my speech:
 
“My name is Kristin Raphaela Otti. I was born and raised in the Lavant Valley in Southern Austria, a province called Carinthia. I am shaman, storyteller and artist. Above all, I love learning and listening to stories. I remember the time, when I was allowed to play cards with my grandma and listen to her stories very fondly. She was a businesswoman and in politics, so our conversations were a never-ending stream of new information, adventures and learning. I am also a change manager, organizational designer and teacher by trade.
​

​One might think that there is a contradiction in being a shaman and being in business, but a shaman empowers people by listening and by telling stories and a change manager does the same. We go into organizations and businesses, listen to the stories told and then by telling new stories, we help shape the future of the organizations and businesses. 
 
As in everything, the stories told by the people, the individuals coming to us or by the businesses and organizations vary. There are stories of hope that are beautiful. There are stories of despair, demise and fear. There are stories filled with fear of the past and the hurt that was being done and inflicted upon us. 
 
In the end, there is no story that cannot be told. There is no story that is not worth being listened to. There is no story that is better or worse, none is bigger or smaller than anybody else’s. 

Stories and storytelling are the fabric of our world. They have always been used to create either division or unity. Every word spoken bears power. 
 
A single word can grow into a sentence, a sentence can grow into judgment and thus become a sword dividing. And yet, a single word can grow into a seed of change, blossoming and blooming, and become an open hand and a guide into a new tomorrow. 
 
In working together, in telling our stories in conversation, on social media, in daily life, in business, there is always a choice: We can be the fear that brings division and despair or we can be the hope of a new dawn, a new day, a new tomorrow.
 
Let us choose to be the hope. 
 
Let us come together in a circle, listen to each other with open hearts, as equals, standing side by side. 
 
Through listening to one another with open hearts instead of trying to seem bigger or better, let us welcome different points of view and diversity in approaching matters and life.
 
Let us turn our stories into hope and whatever we have experienced as individuals, as the children we are, as communities, as people - Let those stories grow into seeds of hope! 
 
I have done so in my life and at the moment, I am building and creating three organizations that aim to helping people become healers instead of being victims and to bring change. Animal Wisdom Speaks helps through storytelling to make aware of environmental issues and by having storytelling events at schools aims to empower children and teenagers to stand tall and powerful.
 
The past is a teacher not a place to live in or dwell on, the present is the moment, we can shape with our stories. The future is the playground we create for the dreamers of tomorrow, for our children. 
 
Let go of the past, let go of fear.
 
Dare to dream. 
 
Dare to be the hope of a new tomorrow.
 
Dare to tell your story."

There comes a point at which you learn to detach and observe your surroundings in a different way. You will slowly start to laugh with yourself instead of at yourself.
 
Your inner critic turns into a clown and life becomes colorful again. 
 

​Picture it, your inner critic marching up to you, wearing a clown’s costume while being accompanied by a mariachi band celebrating you, while you are trying, learning, failing, getting up, growing, making the same mistake again for the last time, making that very mistake one more time for the gusto and succeeding in the end.
 
Your mindset changes and it will slowly change your reactions and responses to others. ​

​Embrace the part of you that is self-sabotaging and critical and befriend it. Your inner critic, the introjects, shame and beliefs others have placed within you, can show you, where your wounding is and if you change your approach and how you look at them, guide you on your path to healing.
 
There is no shame in failing, making a mistake, being imperfect and growing. Growth does not stem from perfection, growth is constant change, going through cycles, night and day.
 
Laugh with the you, you were yesterday. Embrace it, do not chastise it and let it go, like a tree lets go of its leaves in autumn. 
 
Say thank you and embrace life with a smile. 

Manipulators and narcissists know, how to trigger and control empaths. Empaths are made through trauma that was inflicted upon them mostly in childhood. The traumatized child becomes hypervigilant, because its survival depends on learning how to read the energy in the room and in people, in recognizing speech patterns, body language and micro facial expressions. 

The trauma itself is not the verbal, physical or emotional abuse, the neglect or scapegoating, the trauma stems from what happens in the heart: screams for help unheard, the devaluing of the emotions felt and the constantly being in physical and emotional pain. 
​

​An empath learns and grows by going inward, self-reflecting. They project this ability on others and have it used against them in abusive relationships. The abuser will guilt-trip, blame shift, gaslight and distort reality, to make the empath go inward. The empath initiates change, while the abuser stays the same, deflecting and projecting. At that point, the empath still believes in the capacity of change in his partner, spouse, friend, co-worker, boss or parent. 
 
When it shifts, the empath switches from compassion to vigilance, giving the person enough space and time to unmask themselves. 
 
What hits people the most, when dealing with giving people and empaths is the seemingly sudden death of the friendship, partnership or collaboration. 
 
It is not sudden. 

​When an empath cuts someone off, they have been observing them for quite a while. They have given them every chance in the book and benefit of doubt. If there is no change, but only the illusion thereof and the empath is being devalued and treated like a battery and supply to be used, when needed and discarded, when they are in distress or pain, the cord is cut without blinking. 

No, you did not ask your abuser, the narcissist, the toxic person or the manipulator to take advantage of you and to harm you. 
 
No, you did nothing to warrant or deserve the abuse. 
 
No, you did not make them do it.
 
Yes, you took on traits of your abuser and became abusive yourself. This is a survival strategy of abuse victims. The people who know the true you, will understand. Dare to speak and ask for help. 
 
Yes, your abuser tried to flip the script and paint you the abuser. You are not. They are blame-shifting, guilt-tripping and deflecting. 
​

​Yes, your abuser studied you, learned about your childhood wounding and your triggers, fears, desires and hopes. They started to test your boundaries, forced or silver-tongued you into doing things you would normally not do by threatening to leave you, if you did not do their bidding, or suddenly turning into the love of your life and the perfect soulmate, a maiden or page in distress, asking their knight in shining armor to rescue them. Your wounding kicked in, trying to protect in others, what you could not protect yourself or a sibling from when you were a child. 
 
Yes, they created an illusion and a lure. They masked themselves as your perfect soulmate, the one you could finally rescue and heal. They mirrored your own wounding or created the illusion of a wound matching your skillset as an empath and appealed to your heart. 
 
Yes, they started to use your fears and insecurities against you.
 
No, they are not an empath. You are. You feel deeply, they albeit mimic emotions as they see fit and the stage your relationship is in requires for them to stay in power. 

Yes, after hooking you completely and creating enough brain fog, they started to tear you down bit by bit, taking your place on the pedestal, they had you on in the beginning and by putting you on a leash with a choke collar taking your breath away every time you speak your truth or are on the verge to see them for who they really are.
 
Yes, they started to gaslight you and to distort your reality, so you started questioning yourself, your instincts and your perception.

​Yes, those are practices used in torture and brain washing.
 
No, you could not have “simply walked away”. 
 
 ​

Yes, they made you doubt yourself and every single one of your decisions on purpose, making you ask them for advice even in the most mundane and ordinary of situations and give up your sovereignty to them and thus relinquish your personal freedom completely. 
 
No, you are not weak. They chose you, because you are shining your light. You carry a gift within you, they wish to leech off out of greed, take away from you in an attempt to become you and wear your skin and merits out of envy, they devour your energy instead of doing their own work out of gluttony or they simply want to destroy you and what you have created out of jealousy, because you chose to walk your path and are your authentic self. You were marked as prey, because you are strong. 
​

​Yes, there are people watching and in the know: flying monkeys, enablers, enemies disguised as friends and blind followers who fall for the disguise, enjoy your pain or simply benefit from looking the other way catering to the person who abused you and controls your physical, energetic and mental resources now.
 
Yes, they lied behind your back and created the illusion of you being unstable, crazy, forgetful, mentally ill or abusive. 
 
Yes, people you considered friends, you were there for and whom you trusted, never asked for your side of the story. They were never your friends to begin with. They profited from being associated with you.
 
Yes, you were betrayed.
 
Yes, there are people trying to help and who see the truth. They are being silenced, threatened, punished, triangulated, smeared or traumatized themselves to make them stop trying and to create enough pain to make them give up on you. They have not given up on you. Dare to ask for help and break the illusion your abuser has created. You are loved and loveable. You are cherished, you are a gift and not a burden.
 
Yes, your abuser tried to isolate you on purpose from those true to you by feeding you lies about them, triangulating and provoking reactive abuse.
 
Yes, your abuser and their enablers know exactly what they are doing. 
 
Abuse is a choice. 
 
Dare to speak.

Dare to tell your story.

​Dare to ask for help. 

Forgiveness is an internal process, not an external one. It is not an inviting back in of old energies, a reunion with others or the return to a place or into a situation, where trauma occurred or was inflicted. It is opening up to life again step by step, inviting healing and fresh energies in.
 
Forgiveness is a letting go of the resentment and the blaming of yourself for not knowing better, the what ifs and the should have beens. It is the shedding of the old skin and the growing of a new you.
​

​Forgiveness means giving yourself the closure someone else or a situation never offered to you, allowing yourself the freedom to heal, find your peace and set out on your path again with renewed hope and trust. 
 
Forgiveness does not mean offering the other cheek if someone has slapped you in the face and let them hit you once more. Forgiveness sometimes means acknowledging that trust has been shattered, a pattern recognized, setting a boundary and walking away keeping the peace instead. 

It is not cowardice. It is the courage to protect your heart, your soul, your mind and your spirit. 

The wisdom you gathered through your experience and the one you will share with others by allowing yourself to walk away, will bring healing to your world and the ones you will meet on your future path sharing your stories with.
 
You can forgive someone and at the same time never trust them again. A glass once shattered when thrown on the ground never looks the same when put back together again. Pick up the pieces of your broken heart with a loving hand, caressing them. Put them together again, take your time. Use your love, your experiences and your tears to mend the wounds.

​Every scar tells your story and every single one of your stories carries healing wisdom if you tell them in the form of hope. 

I have a voice. 
​
You have a voice.
 
We have voices.

The hardest thing after having experienced any form of abuse is finding your voice again, daring to speak up and break the silence. It holds especially true, if you were the victim of a smearing campaign, had your world turned upside down by lies and malintended gossip behind your back painting you as the perpetrator trying to take away your voice before you could even speak a word.
​

​You have a voice. 
 
Dare to speak. 
 
Start with whispering to yourself and let your own voice be your guide. Dare to trust yourself again. 
 
Break the silence.  
 
Speak. 

Know that those who did not ask for your side of the story but blindly followed gossip parroting accusations never were your friends to begin with. They stood by your side as long as they could gain something from you. Your heart was their supply and prey. ​

The moment your talent and light started to shine through, jealousy and envy set in and any story painting you black fed the narrative provided by their ego. They chose to step down and destroy rather than to step up, take a look at themselves and rise.
 
Let them go. 
 
Dare to trust yourself again. 
 
Have faith in your path. 
 
Rise.
 
You have a voice. 
 
You are heard.
 
You matter.

Shine your light.

​You are a gift. 
​

Whale is the Keeper of Spiritual Wisdom and the Universal Records, being one with what was, what is and the dreams being dreamt into being. Whale is a teacher and mentor whose heart is filled with patience guiding with a gentle touch, never using vulnerabilities to inflict more harm, but instead healing wounds of old with an open heart and love unconditional.

Eagles build their eyries in places that are inaccessible to predators and fiercely protect and defend their sanctuaries. Eagle says, “You are the one responsible for what you are bringing into your eyrie, your home. Your home is your sanctuary. Be mindful and aware of who you let into your inner circle, your thoughts, your energies and your beliefs.”

The call of the Eagle challenges you to look deeper into yourself, be courageous and walk your path without fear. Living fearless means living in truth. Eagle says, “Look deep into your sun, the light within your heart, and dare to look beyond the dark mist clouding your eyes. Let the fiery touch of the sun caress you and burn away your old and worn feathers, so you can rise again, reborn from the ashes of your past, filled with the fires of a new day dawning.”